


Once Upon a Crazy Christmas

by Prince_Darkcloud



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bottom Zoro, Hate Speech, M/M, Uke Zoro, abusive language, minor frobin, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-25
Updated: 2010-12-25
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6545623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prince_Darkcloud/pseuds/Prince_Darkcloud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time at the Peace Maine Boarding School, which means a party must be had for all the students stuck there over the holidays. However, of course, things aren't as planned, and all the cracks must be sealed before the whole day comes crumbling down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon a Crazy Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Wandering_Swordsman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Wandering_Swordsman/gifts).



> This fic is UNEDITED from how I originally posted it back in 2011 on ff (mostly because i don't wanna dwell on my writing from 5 years ago lol). Slowly dragging some of my old fics onto ao3 from ff
> 
> Originally a gift for the wandering swordsman on ff.

The holidays are probably one of the most hectic times of year. There are last-minute shoppers going bonkers because they're afraid they won't make it in time, shops and markets crowded to the point of bursting, fights that break out over the last can of cranberry sauce, and the stress that everyone is touched by in some way or another. Normally one would be spending these lovely, wintry days at home with family and friends, but, sometimes, things don't always work out. This is how it was for several of the students at the Peace Maine Boarding School. For various reasons, they were unable to return home for the holidays, and, because they were without their parents' consent to leave, were stuck at the dorms for the entirety of the holiday break. Such was the case for a young, long nosed boy who was all but aware of the hectic morning, which would only lead to an even more chaotic and crazy day, that he was about to be awoken into.

"Usoooopp!"

...

"Uuusooooopp!"

The young man being summoned was snuggled comfortably in his bed, covers drawn up to right beneath his preposterously long nose; the thick blinds were keeping out that annoying and unwelcome morning sun, ensuring that the room would remain as dark as possible until the boarders decided it was high time to accept the giver of life into their day.

"Usopp! Get your lazy ass out of bed! I have to talk to you about the party!" A girl called from the other side of the door as she banged on it, disturbing most of the boys in the wing. She stared at the door to Usopp and Luffy's shared room for a moment before she began calling again. Luffy had gotten up and was already out and about doing god knows what; too early for a Saturday in Usopp's opinion. Wait...what was a girl doing in the boy's dorm?

"Hrrmmm..." Deciding to ignore that minute detail, he rolled back over and found that warm spot beneath his blankets. Ahh, it was bliss~

There was a boom and the door swung open, letting in light from the hallway, light that shone right on Usopp's exposed face. He grunted and slid deeper under the covers.

"Usopp! This is no time to be sleeping! I'm recruiting 'certain special freshman' to help me with the party tonight, and you fit the bill for a 'certain special freshman'!" She ripped the covers off Usopp's bed and carried them to the other side of the room, watching him curl up, trying to keep some of the warmth that he'd recently been deprived of. She chuckled, "Give it up, Usopp. It's already past 10."

"How awful...sleeping past 10 on a Saturday." The sarcasm wasn't lost on Nami. Usopp slowly sat up, scratching his head through his unkempt hair. "And don't go pulling your seniority card in my own room, Nami. You're not even supposed to be allowed in here." He yawned widely, leaking his foul morning breath into the room.

"You know I have my ways~" Nami dropped the covers and went over to Usopp's closet. "C'mon, Usopp. We have to hurry!" The invader of Usopp's peaceful haven began to search through his clothes, tossing the ones she didn't like onto the dirty floor as Usopp watched, dismayed. "Sanji-kun is planning the menu, plus we still have to round everyone up!"

"Why are _we_ responsible for getting everyone together? And stop going through my closet!" Usopp hopped up from his bed to save his clothes, perfectly good, clean clothes, from the dirty floor.

"I'm just making sure you're presentable for the holiday party tonight." She found a golden-yellow, collared shirt and tossed it over his head. "There's a start. And we're the ones in charge of planning because I signed you up to be."

"What? You jerk!" A black vest floated down and covered his angered face.

"Now you just need a tie."

Usopp dropped everything to the floor and picked his blankets up off the floor. "I'm not wearing a stupid tie." He grumbled. "If you wanna waste your time running all over the campus then be my guest. I'm going back to blissful slee—ACK!"

Nami's fist was steaming when she pulled it away.

"...you're so mean~" He warbled sadly. "Sigh...fine. What's first on the list." He grumbled, admitting defeat without a fight as per usual.

"That's more like it~"

**o()o()o**

As soon as Usopp was dressed in casual attire – Nami had instructed him to leave his nicer clothes in the room where they'd stay clean – the two of them were on their way out the door, getting hateful looks from the disturbed sleepers as they left.

"Ok, so we're going to the upper classmen boys' dorm first right?"

"Yeah, we need to find Zoro and Sanji-kun. They're on food and decorations." Nami explained as she checked over her long list of to-do's.

"Isn't that a lot for the two of them? That's a lot for any two people, in my opinion. Not to mention who it is we're assigning to do it. I mean, it's _zoro_ and _Sanji._ _**Together!**_ Do you not see a problem here?" Usopp worried, not only about the heavy burden of buying a shit ton of decorations and food, as Nami would most likely demand, but the fact that they've never really been on the best of terms. Nami often thought of the two of them as being something more like 'frienemies' and that they had a secret relationship no one knew about. But Usopp had had too many nights where he'd had to stay up into the wee hours of morning (sometimes even on a school night where he couldn't sleep in the next morning to make up for lost sleep) listening to one of Sanji's 'Zoro's-an-asshole' bitch fits to really believe that they were on any degree of friendship.

"Oh it'll be fine~ I know it will! I've known Zoro since we were little, and he's not the type to hate someone so easily. I'm always right, you know." She winked and smiled, sticking her tongue out ever so slightly. She knew that her cute 'baby' or 'bratty' faces wouldn't work on Usopp. Even though he'd only known her since he'd enrolled in the school, he knew better than to fall to her manipulative ways. They'd become instant friends, despite Nami's...violent...tendencies.

"And how." Usopp rolled his eyes as they picked up their pace. They scanned their surroundings for a moment, making sure none of the dorm faculty saw Nami enter the boy's dorm. They navigated their way through the large hallways until they found Sanji's room. Usopp was incredibly jealous of the older boys' dorms, wishing that he could live in the much nicer dormitories where there weren't gaps in the windows or spiders in the showers. Well, he'd get there someday.

"You get Sanji, I'm going to go get Zoro." Usopp watched Nami disappear up the stairs before knocking on Sanji's door.

"Oiii, Sanjiii, you up?"

Nothing.

"Saaanjiiii!"

Hm, where did this feel familiar? Usopp frowned at Sanji's door, and even thought about kicking it open as Nami had, but decided against it. Sanji would definitely not take that lying down as Usopp had. Instead, he tested the doorknob and sighed with relief when he found it was open. Sanji had been sitting at his desk with his headphones on. So he was awake, just unable to hear. Usopp stood in the doorway and waited to be noticed.

"Well? You came in here for something. Whaddya want, shit-for-brains?"

Usopp was horribly offended. What could he have _possibly_ done? It was only...he glanced at Sanji's clock...10:23! He'd been there all of a minute. "Well, excuse me if I've wasted your valuable time."

Sanji spun around, eyes wide in surprise. "Oh! Usopp!" He took off his oversized headphones and got up from his chair. "I'm sorry I thought you were Zoro. What's up?"

Usopp chose to just ignore what had just happened and got down to the point. "Ok, so Nami and I are going around gathering everyone up for the party tonight. She's put everyone into teams to divide up the huge list of things that need to get done so—" Usopp realized that he had lost Sanji at 'Nami'. "Oi, oi, Sanji, this is really important! ... If you wanna please Nami, you'll listen to what I have to say."

"Yooosh! I shall be on a team with Nami-swan~"

"That's not what I meant!

Sanji's heart-struck gaze didn't falter. "Ahh~ spending a day with Nami-san~ Such utter paradise in this frozen wasteland!"

Usopp gulped, not too thrilled about what he was going have to say. "Uhm...about that..."

**o()o()o**

"ZORO! For the last time! Get _UP_ you lazy _sloth!_ " She gently kicked the lump that had firmly clung to the sheets, even as she had pulled them off the bed. Zoro had initially been amazed at her Amazon-like strength, but then he remembered who it was that he was trying to ignore. He'd known Nami since they were little, and he knew her tenacity well. However, she almost always got what she wanted in the end anyway, and despite his knowledge of her manipulative ways, he'd always fall for her tricks in the end. "Zooo-chaaaan~"

"I told you not to call me by that dumb nickname! Stupid woman!" Like right now, for example. He mentally slapped himself for giving away the fact that he was now awake, because now he'd have to listen to whatever it was she was gonna make him do.

"Ah, you're awake." She stomped and ground her foot into the blanket where she had heard the voice come from, making him cry out at the unexpected assault to his face. "Come on Zoro. We have to start preparing for the party! It's your job to go shopping for decorations and food. Usopp's downstairs getting Sanji as we speak!"

"Why would _I_ go food shopping? That's something that—"

" _WHAAAT?"_ Speak of the devil.

Zoro could always hear when Sanji yelled through the floor, mostly when his foster father Zeff called, but this time he sounded angrier than usual. He was probably yelling at poor Usopp over something. "—the idiot downstairs should be doing."

"Ahhhaha, you see, Zoro, you and Sanji-kun a—"

" _MARIMO!"_ Sanji's angered yells were now directed upwards instead of at Usopp, who had felt he hadn't deserved Sanji's initial wrath. Stupid Nami...pairing those guys up like that. What was she thinking? _"Like_ _HELL_ _I'm_ _going_ _to_ _spend_ _my_ _Saturday_ _with_ _YOU!"_

Zoro crawled out from under his comforter, face drawn tight with annoyance. "Likewise! You perverted MOSQUITO INCESNSE!" He shouted at the awkwardly colored, brownish-orange carpet. "Jeez...obnoxious bastard...stupid curly-brow. Wouldn't work with him for any reason under the sun."

"Zoro! You need to get over your stubborn pride and just deal with it!" Nami huffed, puffing out her cheeks in annoyance.

Zoro looked at Nami for a moment, not understanding what it was that she was talking about. "What the hell are you talking about? 'Pride'? What? Deal with what?"

"As I was saying, you and Sanji-kun are going to be teamed up for purchasing the—"

" _Hell_ no! You can just forget it, Nami! What kinda half-asleep shit are you spouting?"

Nami brought out her fist for the second time that morning. "Because, everyone else has their own assignments, and you, who have no particular special abilities, any sort of planning capabilities, or other type of 'party skills', got placed in whatever empty space I could find for you. Besides, you're the perfect pack mule~" She giggled at the pained, angry, stunned, and mildly offended face Zoro was making. "Besides, a miracle could happen and you two will be friends by tonight!"

"...it'd be a hell of a miracle..." Zoro flushed an awkward pink, not an "oh my gosh a day with Sanji-kun" blush, but all the same.

Nami smiled down at her childhood friend. _'You're_ _too_ _cute,_ _Zoro.'_

Angry footsteps resounded through the empty dorm hallways and soon after, an equally angry blonde and worried companion made a dramatic appearance in the doorway.

"Why the _hell_ do I have to be paired with _YOU_ instead of my dearest _NAMI-SWAN!_ "

Zoro's flushed face went back to its normal tan, and his contemplative frown turned into an angry one. "I don't say nice things about this witch often, aho-love-cook, but she's _too_ _good_ for an _asshole_ like _you_!"

Nami wasn't sure to take that as an insult or a compliment. Either way, Zoro's little 'remark' had hit a funny nerve in Sanji, making his face twist up in something she couldn't read.

"Just because you're her childhood friend, don't go actin' all high 'n' fucking mighty!" He lunged, and soon the two were in an all out physical brawl.

"Let's go, Usopp!" Nami placed the shopping list on Sanji's dresser, and quickly pulled Usopp out by the wrist. "I don't want to get caught by the dorm parents!" She explained when Usopp had looked like he was about to protest. "Besides, it'll get broken up soon."

Usopp sighed, glad he had decided against informing Sanji who Nami's partner had been, lest he rub salt in the wound. "Ok, so who's next on our list?"

Nami dropped Usopp's hand and looked at her list. "We need Luffy and Chopper to go find everyone on the invite list, round them up, and bring them back here."

"Oh, the little genius is coming?" Tony Tony Chopper had been able to skip two years of school, due to his rigorous home schooling early on. His intellect was on par with several famous scholars and was even asked to give seminars. However, his shy nature often kept him from doing so, so he tried to keep as low of a profile as he could, which often made him hard to find. "So we just need to round up Luffy and Chopper and give them their instructions."

"But..." They stopped walking and scanned their eyes across the huge, snow-covered campus. "Where are they?"

**o()o()o**

"This needs to stop! We can't have these disturbances within the dorm. It causes unnecessary stress for the other students and furthermore—"

'' _This_ _asshole_ _needs_ _to_ _shut_ _up.''_ Was the thought that Sanji and Zoro shared as their supervisor lectured them. The supervisor finished his speech and they each gave their insincere promises to behave 'because it's the holidays and all' and waited until the steady beat of his shoes faded away entirely before turning to glare at one another.

""It's cause you started it, idiot."" Perfect synchronization. Nothing irritated them more.

""Knock it off!""

""I'm warning you!"" They were locked in a heated gaze, foreheads pushing against each other, trying to overpower their opponent like rams butting heads.

"I'll rip those earrings right out of your ear, shitty faggot-plant."

"I'll iron your face and straighten out that dumb-as-shit dartboard you call an eyebrow, perverted cook!" This went on for a little while longer, but it never really escalated. It was Sanji who broke away first once he'd grown tired of name-calling.

"Look, as much as I want to kick your head through that wall, Nami-san's wishes will always take precedence over you."

Zoro frowned at the dimwit's attitude towards Nami. As much of a bitch as she often appeared to be, she was like a little sister, and he really didn't like this bastard drooling over her tits. Hell, he'd know her before she'd even _had_ tits.

"Ok, let's go to the food market first."

Zoro grunted and grabbed his backpack – he had anticipated that he'd need something to carry all the shit Nami was going to have them buy in – emptying in out onto the floor before locking up his room. The two were completely unaware that they were getting strange looks from other males on the floor. _'Hadn't_ _those_ _two_ _just_ _been_ _fighting?'_ The ones who cared enough to notice thought. ' _What_ _the_ _hell's_ _up_ _with_ _that?'_

Zoro reluctantly climbed into the passenger seat of Sanji's old, 2-door sedan and glared at him as he walked around to the other side. "Baka-onna..." he mumbled as Sanji climbed in.

"Don't you dare call her that, you uncouth ape. You have no right to disrespect a lady like that. And don't pick a fight with me in such a tight space."

Zoro wasn't going to admit that he didn't know what 'uncouth' meant, but he knew he should take it as an insult. "If you knew the shit she tricked me into growing up you wouldn't be calling her a 'lady', idiot."

"Why would I care about that? Your _past_ , or whatever, has nothing to do with me. The Nami-san I know right now is the only thing that matters to me."

Zoro had no instant retort to that, and by the time he would've thought one up it would've been to late, and would've just come off as the pathetic whimpers of a beaten dog. He wasn't sure if it was the words Sanji chose or the fact that something like that rolled out of his mouth without a second thought that bother him so much, but...something in Sanji's words hit Zoro at an odd angle that he hadn't been expecting. Like receiving a hook when you expected a straight punch. But Sanji's hit had felt more like a uppercut, and a sucker punch at that.

The fact that his one, unintentionally effective comment had shut Zoro up and had even slapped an odd expression on his face weirded Sanji out a little bit. He quickly glanced at Zoro's face before returning to the road ahead. _'What's_ _gotten_ _into_ _him_ _all_ _of_ _a_ _sudden?'_ The drive instantly became incredibly awkward as the two got caught up in their own brooding.

' _Baka_ _Marimo,_ _getting_ _so_ _offended_ _and_ _making_ _me_ _look_ _like_ _the_ _bad_ _guy._ _What_ _the_ _fuck_ _has_ _gotten_ _into_ _him...'_

' _Why_ _the_ _hell_ _was_ _he_ _able_ _to_ _shut_ _me_ _up_ _with_ _something_ _so_ _stupid...'_

' _Did_ _I_ _say_ _something_ _wrong?_ _We_ _were_ _just_ _fighting...'_

' _Stupid_ _dartboard,_ _where_ _does_ _he_ _get_ _off_ _saying_ _stuff_ _like_ _that...'_

' _Besides,_ _he_ _throws_ _that_ _'childhood_ _friend_ _card'_ _around_ _all_ _the_ _time!'_

Unbeknownst to one another, their thoughts spiraled and twisted around each other, until they were thinking practically the same thing: _''Does_ _he_ _really_ _think_ _that_ _that_ _shit_ _doesn't_ _bother_ _me_ _at_ _all?''_

**o()o()o**

Nami and Usopp were breathing heavily; both of them had unzipped their heavy winter coats and were letting the frigid December air cool down their overheating bodies. "I still _-pant_ _pant-_ don't seeee _-wheeze_ _cough_ _cough-_ why we had _-pant_ _pant_ _wheeze-_ to run all over campus _-gasp_ _pant-_ for them." Usopp's words were so broken up by his labored breathing that Nami had a hard time understanding him. He was on the track team, but, still, running around in heavy boots, thick jacket, and all of those other incredibly warm, wintry accessories was enough to tire anyone out. Nami wasn't in any better shape.

"We...just have to keep looking." She wheezed. "There aren't that many placed he could be, right?"

They both took a break in the conversation, as they weren't getting anywhere feeling the way they did, and caught their breath. "So, should we...just go find them ourselves? Or something?" Usopp figured, nodding as if trying to confirm for himself that his idea was good. His nod slowly rotated and began to mirror Nami's discouraging shake of the head. "No? How come? If we just—"

"Cause we still have to secure the location and start setting things up. Plus, we're the coordinators. We need to be at "home base" in case anything goes wrong." She smiled and winked at him. "We level-headed people need to be the glue that holds everything together."

Usopp's confused frown twisted up into a smug grin. "Well, if you put it like that~ I suppose my superb planning abilities and enviable leadership qualities really do make me best suited for the job." He made sure to be modest about his skills, only hinting at the fact that he'd been asked by famous celebrities to decorate their homes with his highly recognized design aesthetic.

"That's the Usopp I know. C'mon! I know we checked there already, but maybe Luffy's returned to the canteen for his late morning meal."

And off the two dashed again, their confidence and morale restored. They ran into the dining hall and looked around. "Hmm...no sign of him yet. Usopp, I'll check this half, you check the other."

"Roger!" The canteen was split awkwardly down the middle. One half had all of the fattening, greasy, and stereotypically American food: burgers, fries, and huge slices of delicious, though incredibly greasy, pizza. It was also where breakfast was usually served, so there were still bins of cereal out and steaming trays of sausages, eggs and the like. While the other half had things like soups, salads, pasta, and, seemingly out of place, traditional Japanese food. It was also where all the dessert was kept. The students didn't understand the odd division, but they got used to it the longer they attended. Usopp darted into the half with the soups and such and ran smack dab into a buxom chest, spilling salad, as well as dressing, all over the woman's top. Scared of looking into the face the woman he just violated with his face, predominately his rather phallic nose, he hesitated in looking up, but apologies fell from his mouth like water from a faucet.

"I'm so sorry for running into you! I should've been looking where I was going! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to spill your food all over you. I'm sorry, I'll pay for it!"

"It's alright Nagahana-kun. This is a colleague's shirt anyhow. I don't have to worry if it's ruined since I didn't pay for it in the first place." Such heartless things said in a beautifully sweet voice could only come out of the ever-smiling mouth of one woman.

Usopp sighed in relief and finally looked up at the woman's face. "Oh, Robin~ I'm so glad it was you. Actually, we were looking for you."

Robin ignored the fact that he was supposed to be referring to her as 'Miss Nico', she'd already reminded him more than once. "Oh? Do you need my help with something? I didn't give you an assignment over break, so I'm assuming it isn't homework related." Nico Robin was a young history professor at the Peace Maine Boarding School, favored, and sometimes feared, by many of the students for her unusual teaching methods, clear passion for the subject, and high success rate. You would be lucky to have her as a teacher, as long as you remained on her good side. However, she was especially close with a group of special students, several of which she'd babysat when they were much younger.

"Well, we're rounding everyone up for the Christmas party tonight, and...well, I actually don't know if Nami needs you to help with things, but we can go ask her." Usopp ran back into the other room and waved his arms wildly, trying to catch the attention of the young redhead. It took a while, but eventually Nami turned around and rushed over.

"What is it? Oh! Robin!"

"Hello Nami-chan. Nagahana-kun said that you might be needing me?"

"Well, I suppose I could use your help. You see, we're trying to find Luffy and Chopper, and—"

Robin lifted a delicate finger to her lips, shushing Nami's unnecessary explanation. "That, I think, I can help you with."

**o()o()o**

Sanji and Zoro stood outside the grocery store, looking at all the people rushing about inside, trying to get their shopping finished before the day was over. "Shit, this is really gonna suck."

Zoro's frown deepened as he stared through the large windows. "Mm..." He could've sworn that he saw someone get punched over something; perhaps the last box of easy-make stuffing. But the violence displayed by desperate shoppers sparked an interest in Zoro. "So it's like a free-for-all, huh?" His frown twisted into a sadistic grin. "You thinkin what I'm thinkin, shit cook?"

Sanji snubbed his cigarette out in the dirt-covered snow. "Like I'd know what's going on in that Neanderthallic brain of yours, but I think I've got the gist." He grinned with all the animalistic ferocity that Zoro had. Passing housewives shrunk back a little bit, hurriedly scuttling by, hoping the seemingly possessed boys wouldn't notice them. Sanji and Zoro ran in, Zoro grabbing a cart while Sanji ran ahead with the list. "You'd better keep up if we're gonna do this, Marimo."

"It's not me you've got to worry about, dartboard!" Sanji banked hard to the right, Zoro right on his tail. As the two ran down the isle, Sanji quickly scanned the shelves with practiced ease and grabbed the items at lightening speed, taking several of them right out from under the fingers of his competitors. Zoro watched as the food fell effortlessly into the cart that he made sure to keep on course. He didn't want to be responsible for missing an item and ruining their new system. At the end of the isle, Sanji made two hard left turns, running down the second isle. Zoro, however, didn't see Sanji make the second turn, and continued straight on after the first left turn. The pair was now officially separated.

Sanji held two items in each hand, ready to toss them into the cart, but when he turned around to make the shot, Zoro was gone. "Shiiit! That goddamn marimo!" Sanji tried to look over the many shifting mops of hair, as that was all he could see, in search of his oddly colored classmate. He readjusted the items in his arms and retraced his steps as best he could. He was walking past people he'd rudely jostled out of the way only moments ago and, they weren't willing to let him pass so easily. He found that feelings of guilt were starting to emerge; he'd gotten so caught up in Zoro' stupid game that he'd wound up being anything but the gentleman he had always claimed he was. It was all that bastard's idea and now he'd gone and gotten lost inside of a huge grocery store that was absolutely packed with people. Sanji knew for a fact that Zoro wasn't a people person by nature, and large crowds bothered him, a lot. He remembered this from one of Nami-san's stories about her and Zoro when they were little. Zoro had gotten separated in some mall and when his father had finally managed to find him, an hour later, he was scared shitless and crying. He remembered finding it hilarious then, but now? He was about as far from a euphoric laughing fit as he could get. He was running back at full speed through the thick throngs of people looking for the little lost marimo.

Zoro was also running at his top speed, trying to find Sanji. He didn't like being alone with all of these unfamiliar people milling about, viciously fighting over food. They looked like pre-apocalypse victims, trying to save themselves without a single concern for anyone else's wellbeing. The store felt small, hot, cramped. Zoro could feel anxiety building up; slowly creeping up his spine and working its way into his head, fogging up his brain. _'Where_ _the_ _hell_ _is_ _that_ _stupid_ _curly-brow?'_ He thought as he ran. He took one sideways look down an isle and managed to catch a streak of blonde. _'Sanji!'_ He put on his 'brakes' and pulled the cart to stop before swinging it around dangerously to go the other direction. Sadly, an innocent bystander happened to get in the way.

"Kyaah!" The woman cried as she fell to the floor, all of her items spilling out of the shopping basket she'd been carrying.

"Ah! I-I'm sorry!" Zoro, in his panic, released the cart, sending it flying into another innocent shopper. "Uwah!" He heard the man cry. "I'm sorry!"

"How could you do that to an old man! Weren't you taught any manners growing up? Really! How awful."

"And what about the poor girl you just sent to the floor! You didn't even help her up, you little shit! Kids these days are just horrible."

"Did you even give her a proper apology?"

Zoro looked around at all the angry shoppers that had surrounded him. He didn't know how all of this had happened so fast, and he was growing increasingly uncomfortable, which made his go silent. His silence was mistaken for rudeness, and the harsh criticisms continued. He could feel the threat of tears sting his eyes, but he wouldn't let them form.

"Oi, oi! He apologized, and it was an accident besides." A friendly voice called out over the hubbub. "Get back to your holiday shopping and leave the poor guy alone." The man shooed the people away as Zoro regained his senses. He saw that the girl was picking things up off the floor. Her bottle of cider had broken open and was spilled everywhere. Zoro knew that there weren't going to be any more of those bottles, and that brand was famous for being insanely delicious. Zoro, having nabbed one of the last three bottles, reluctantly handed her the bottle from his own cart.

"Here. Sorry."

She looked up at him and smiled warmly. He noticed that she looked to be a fair, sickly girl. "Thank you very much. I'm bringing this as an appreciation present to a party tonight. It's my friend's favorite drink." She took the bottle and placed it in her basket. "My name is Kaya. Thank you very much for your kindness."

"Zoro..."

"Nice to meet you, but I must be going now." She smiled again and walked off towards the checkout.

Zoro, trying not to look too disappointed with his loss, began to walk away, to start searching for Sanji once again.

"Oi! You're not even going to thank your savior?"

Zoro turned around and looked straight into the smug face that he knew all too well. "Ace! You're working today?"

"Yeah, it blows, but I need some way to pay the rent, ya know?" He smiled and approached Zoro. "I heard about a party tonight. From Luffy."

"If you wanna come, just say so." Zoro looked inside his cart and made sure that nothing of his was broken as he chatted with Ace.

"Well excuse me if I want a formal invitation from someone very special to me." He wrapped his arms around Zoro's waist.

"It's going to be at the school." Zoro twisted around and looked up into the handsome face of the 6' 1" man. "You better be there." He finished, smirking.

Ace pulled his face in for a kiss, gently licking the bottom lip before pulling away all together. "If only I wasn't on the clock right now I would—"

"Z-Zoro!" Zoro spun around and saw Sanji standing there, gaping at him like a fish out of water that'd just seen a ghost. "Y-you...you're...! Wha—?" Ah yes, Zoro had forgotten to mention one little detail about his private life to Sanji, not that they ever really talked, but it's just one of those things that you'd think you'd know about a person, whether from rumors or from a close friend's word of mouth. Zoro was in a homosexual relationship with Luffy's older brother, to put it as simply as one could. "Tch," Sanji scolded, trying to get over his feelings of awkwardness, "I take my eyes off you for one minute, go running through the whole damn store like an idiot, just trying to find you cause I _know_ how you get in crowds. Only to catch you being all close and personal with Luffy's older brother."

"Ohh? Jealous are we?" Ace teased.

""Like hell."" Sanji and Zoro made brief eye contact before looking away.

"Hm..." Ace tightened his grip on Zoro. "I don't know if I like the idea of you going around with Zoro, Sanji." Ace's teasing smirk fell into a serious glare. "I'm a very jealous person, and I won't tolerate anyone trying to steal him away fro—OOF!"

Zoro elbowed Ace in the ribs, effectively making him let go and shut up. "You're ridiculous. C'mon. We have to finish shopping. We don't have much time."

"And whose fault is that, eh?" Sanji shouted as the two took a more leisurely pace than the hectic sprint they'd been going at before.

"The stupid pervert that went and got lost, clearly."

Sanji ground his teeth together in agitation. "I wasn't the one making out with another _guy_ in the middle of the grocery store. Don't call me a pervert, hypocrite." The clear emphasis that it had been a man he'd been seen with and not a girl irked Zoro greatly, but he stayed quiet and glared at the idiotic, smiling child that decorated the bag of flour. "You're such a fucking moron, marimo."

"Tch." He didn't feel like talking to Sanji anymore. Not even wanting to jab him with insults. The two finished gathering everything on Sanji's list and made their way to the check out.

"Oh ho hoooo~" Sanji warbled. "That cute babe Caime is working behind the counter again~" Sanji admired her pixie haircut and bright smile, the full pink lips and cheerful voice. "I seriously need to get her number~"

"Knock it off, dartboard. You're freaking people out."

"Just cause, unlike you, I chase chicks and not dicks there's no reason for you to be a cock-block. I may as well have a jealous girlfriend." He promptly went back to swooning over the young lady, not even noticing Zoro's shocked expression. It was a wonder if Sanji had even realized what he'd just said.

Zoro fumed in silent anger. What was with Sanji today? He was worse than usual, putting a toe over all those stupid lines they'd never crossed before. "I'm heading over to the party store. Take care of this shit yourself."

"O-Oi, Zoro!" He was ignored. "Oi, baka marimo! How am I supposed to carry all this stuff myself?" Zoro was out the door. Whether he actually heard Sanji or not didn't matter, because he wouldn't have listened anyway. Ace had been watching the whole exchange from where he'd been pricing items and he didn't think that his heavy-set glower would ever lift. He was not happy with what he'd just seen. Not at all. He made a mental note to set aside some time for a serious 'talk' with Sanji later.

**o()o()o**

After relocating to the history department head/teacher's office, aka Robin's office, Robin was trying to get a hold of the teams that were 'out in the field.' She had just punched in Zoro's number and was waiting for him to pick up as Nami and Usopp watched. "Ah, hello Kenshi-san. Have you finished food shopping? It sounds like you're outside." Robin's eyes widened for a moment before continuing on. "I see. Yes. Yes. I will tell them. Please fix this as soon as possible. I must insi— oh I see." She had Nami and Usopp on the edge of their seats. What the hell was happening on the other end of the line? "Very well then. We'll see what we can do. Goodbye." The instant she ended her call with Zoro she began to punch in another number.

"Wait, Robin! What about Zo—"

"Shh. Hello, Franky?" Nami didn't appreciate being cut off like that, but she continued to listen to what she could hear. There were sounds of drills and metal saws in the background. An indistinct bellow sounded and all the background noise disappeared. "I was wondering if you've seen either Luffy or Chopper anywhere. Oh really? Well then I suppose that's how things are. Yes that's all. Yes I'll be seeing you later. Goodbye." Robin hung up with a smile and it took everything Nami and Usopp had not to tease their sensei.

"So? Do you know where Luffy and Chopper are?"

Robin smiled. "I do..."

Nami and Usopp high-fived.

"...not."

"Whaaaat? But but..."

"Don't you worry about them. Perhaps I could take over? All that needs to be done are a few phone calls correct? I wouldn't mind."

"Well..." Nami began. "I suppose..." Where the hell were Luffy and Chopper? It was already half past noon. What could be so important that they felt the need to go missing? "We'll leave that to you then, Robin." Nami set the invite list down in front of their teacher and hurried out of her office, Usopp in tow.

"Alright, now we just have to talk to the superintendent and see if he'll let us use the Stulo." The Student Lounge, or "Stulo" for short, was a major social hotspot among the students. It had comfy leather couches, a snack bar that served amazing food and, unfortunately virgin, drinks, an awesome stereo system, and a widescreen TV. It was where dances and the like were often located and Nami wanted nothing less for their on-campus holiday party.

"Well he might. Especially if Luffy asks him."

"Hm? Why Luffy?"

"Cause the superintendent is like a father to Luffy. Loves the guy." Usopp explained.

"Well, if we'd attended Morgania, Zoro would be the one we'd go to, cause his uncle is the superintendent there."

"That's too coincidental."

"It would seem that way."

"But I mean, why would Zoro go here instead or—AH! Zoro!" Usopp cried, "We forgot to ask about what happened to Zoro!"

"Ah, you're right! Well, that can wait, first we need to get an approval for the use of the lounge."

"Hmm, you're probably right. The superintendent isn't gonna wanna hang around much longer."

**o()o()o**

"Alright everyone. I appreciate your enthusiasm and for wanting to come in for extra time even on a Saturday, and during the holiday break no less, but this Suuuuper~ Sensei has a life too! So clean up your tools and work spaces, and I'll see you amateurs after the break is over!"

The few students got to work cleaning their spaces as Franky watched over them impatiently. When the last student had finally filed out, Franky grabbed his bag and rushed out the door, almost forgetting to lock up. He hurried outside and ran over to the history department.

"Oiii! Nico Robin!" He called.

"No need to shout. It's a small room." Robin had been on the phone when the radical teacher had burst in. She returned her attention to the caller. "Alright. I'll see what I can do. Good-bye." She turned off the phone and sighed gently before looking up at her guest. "Can I help you, Franky?"

"So what's going on with everyone? I get the feeling that you're not telling me everything here."

Robin chuckled softly. "You've always been a lot more perceptive than you let on." She sat down behind her desk. "It seems that Kenshi-san and Cook-san had a little tiff. Now Zoro's run off and can't find Cook-san. Plus it would seem that Luffy and Chopper-san have gone 'missing' as well."

"Ehh?" He looked almost indignant, "but they're—"

"Yes, I know, but it's more interesting this way, don't you think?" She smiled and chuckled again. "That reminds me, there's something I'd like for you to do, Franky."

"Hm? Ah...sure." He posed, "Anything for you Nico-babe!"

Robin smiled, lifting a delicate finger to touch the bottom of a rosy lip. "Wonderful."

**o()o()o**

"Jeez that idiot! That stupid, green, moronic asshole!" Sanji was pushing a cart piled high with bags towards his car. "How dare he leave me with all this shit to take care of by myself? I swear to god I'll kill him!" But, through all the anger, he still couldn't shake the underlying feeling that something was out of place. It wasn't like Zoro to just stomp out on something like this. Sanji racked his brain, trying think of what it was that he could've possibly said to make Zoro so upset that he'd actually just up and leave. Finally getting everything to fit by playing an odd version Tetris with the grocery bags, Sanji headed off towards the party store.

The second he stepped a foot inside he regretted that he was alone. The party store was even more hectic and crazy than the grocery store. There were little kids running about, playing with the items, throwing fits, and causing general chaos. Then there were the parents who were yelling at, ignoring, or creating an even bigger din than their children by arguing with innocent, stressed out employees. Sanji felt himself contracting one of Usopp's rare diseases: the I-can't-stand-to-be-inside-of-this-madhouse-by-myself disease. For the first time in his conscious existence, he wished for the company of the idiotic Marimo head. There was no way that Zoro could be in here with these crazy crowds. If he were it'd practically be suicide. Sanji left the party store without even feeling the need to look around. But that brought about a bigger issue: where _the_ _fuck_ was Zoro?

Sanji flipped open his phone and searched through his contacts. He didn't have Zoro's number, but perhaps there was someone who would know where Zoro had gone. There was a chance that Zoro had called someone and they'd come to pick him up. No. That was ridiculous. There wouldn't have been enough time for something like that. Sanji shut his phone for the time being and ran around the parking lot for a while, hoping that maybe Zoro had just forgotten where they'd parked and had been planning on meeting Sanji at the car after he'd cooled some steam.

Clearly, this was not the case. Sanji had ran around the parking lot 3 times and he was still nowhere to be found. He was out of breath and time was slowly ticking by. There weren't enough hours in the day, especially when preparing for a party. He sat down on the curb and pulled out a cigarette. As he sat there smoking, he thought about what he should tell Nami-san when he got back. _'I'm_ _sorry,_ _Nami-swan,_ _but_ _he_ _just_ _vanished_ _without_ _any_ _consideration_ _for_ _all_ _the_ _hard_ _work_ _you've_ _put_ _forth._ _Wouldn't_ _it_ _be_ _better_ _to_ _just_ _enjoy_ _the_ _holiday_ _with out_ _him?'_ Even though there was a smirk on his face as he thought this, inside he felt horrible for thinking such a thing. How could he just leave Zoro here? They were miles from the school, and if he'd just up and left with the car, Zoro would be forced to walk all that way.

' _What's_ _there_ _to_ _feel_ _bad_ _about?'_ His inner voice questioned. _'You've_ _always_ _treated_ _him_ _like_ _that.'_

This was an 'aha moment' if he'd ever had one. No wonder Zoro'd run off in a huff. He'd been treating him like shit without second thought. Like there was no other way to act towards him. As if it was how things were supposed to be. "Shit, I'm such an ass."

"Yeah. You are."

Sanji startled and dropped his cigarette into the slush, ruining it. "Damn, I think that was my last one." He stood up and turned around. "What do you want?"

"Zoro called me. He's gotten lost again." Ace stepped closer to Sanji, stepping through the walls of his little bubble of personal space. "And you're the asshole that got him so upset. So now you're gonna help me find him."

"Haah?" Sanji glared at Ace. He didn't need this guy's help. He was perfectly capable of finding Zoro on his own, and he was going to prove it.

**o()o()o**

"Superintendent?" Nami called as she politely knocked on the door. "We were wondering if we could speak with you for a moment?"

"Ah, yeah sure thing! I was just about to get out of this gloomy office, but I suppose you can keep me here for another couple minutes." He laughed at his own joke, but Nami and Usopp still felt a little bad. They were pretty sure that he was partially serious.

"Ahh...yeah...well, you see," Usopp didn't quite know how to ask without coming off rude and demanding, but he figured the roundabout, excessively long explanation would be best. Why? Cause he was nervous, and when you're nervous, some people have the tendency to run off at the mouth. "We're trying to plan this party for the students that had to stay here over winter break, and we were wondering if—"

"Oh yeah, you'd like to use the student lounge, right?" The red-haired superintendent smiled and stood up form his desk, running his solitary hand through his unkempt hair. "Don't worry. It's already reserved for you guys to use."

"R-Really?" Nami asked in disbelief.

"Sure thing. Now get goin! I've got a party to be at tonight too ya know!"

They were shooed out of Superintendent Shanks' office and left to stand, stunned, in the hallway.

"Well, that was easier than I thought it would be."

"Yeah."

"Ya know, it kinda feels like we haven't done anything at all today except run around the campus." Usopp sighed unhappily. He thought he'd be the hero of today, but everywhere they went someone had already taken over for everything that had needed to be done.

"Oh! Usopp! I'd totally forgotten! I still have to get my Secret Santa their present!" Nami clasped Usopp's shoulders as she voiced her concern, her face only inches from his. There was a moment of silence until...

"Wah! I forgot too!"

About a week ago, Nami had her mom send everyone the names of the people they were to be Secret Santas for. Nami would've sent them out, but she wanted to play as well, and it wouldn't have been any fun if she'd known who had her. So here they were, a week later, without their gifts.

"W-Well..." Nami sweat-dropped, "I guess I know what we're doing now. Oh! But that doesn't mean we can't have fun with it." Nami winked and stuck her tongue out.

"Not that face again..." Usopp sweat dropped.

"What's wrong with my face!"

"Nothing, nothing..."

**o()o()o**

"Huff...huff...huff..."

"You...are you that outta shape?"

"Shut it, asshole! It's cause I ran all over the damn place lookin for you! And _where_ do I find you? In the backwoods behind the fucking shopping center!"  _'It's_ _still_ _too_ _soon_ _to_ _be_ _yelling_ _at_ _anyone.'_ Sanji's lungs scolded as they twitched with the air of violent coughs. "...shuh -cough- it"

"Shuh it?"

"Shit! You dumbass! I said shit!"

"There's no need to be so fricken touchy."

"Says the one who ran almost a mile away because of some stupid ass comment I made. My god, you're so fuckin sensitive. Are you even a man?"

Zoro frowned. He ignored the comment...mostly..."Is that your form of an apology?"

"Don't count your chickens, baka-marimo." Sanji looked up into the calm mask that hid a greater irritation. "Fine, fine. I'm sorry. Now c'mon. We still have to go shopping for party supplies and décor and all that jazz."

"Yeah."

They began walking in somewhat awkward silence. To cope with the stuffy atmosphere, Sanji searched for a cigarette, only to find the pack empty. "Dammit..." He shoved the package in his pocket and went back to staring at the ground. They walked for another few minutes, but eventually it was like Sanji couldn't even hear Zoro's footsteps anymore. "Oi...Zoro..." He turned and saw that he was alone on the road. He quickly stopped and scanned the thin forestry until he saw something move. "MARIMO! Where the _hell_ do you think you're going?"

"...Shortcut...I thought you were behind me..." Zoro ran up and caught up to Sanji and they began walking again, but every now and again, Zoro would start to stray off again and Sanji would have to bring him back to focus.

"You...are seriously wearing on my last nerves."

"Likewise."

Sanji screamed through clenched teeth at the ridiculousness of it all. Until he'd met Zoro, he'd never have even thought that someone could have such a lousy sense of direction or such an obstinate attitude. "That's it. I'm not letting you go until we get back." Sanji grabbed tight, excessively so, to Zoro's wrist and began dragging him back to the shopping center. They still had at least a quarter mile to go.

"O-Oi! What if Ace sees? I don't want him to...to get the, uh, the wrong idea..."

Sanji turned back and saw that Zoro's brow was furrowed with worry as he tried to wriggle his hand out of Sanji's grasp. "Look, it's not like we're making out on the hood of his car, just humor me until we get a bit closer." Sanji could feel the icy cold of Zoro's winter-chapped hands on his own and sighed, shoving both of their hands into his pocket. "I'm...I just don't want my hand to freeze along with yours."

"Che...w-whatever."

"So, we need to pick up the stuff for the party and then head back." Sanji reminded. He wasn't going to let the plan fall to pieces because of what'd just happened.

"Mm..."

And then there was that silence.

And it was...awkward. As _hell._

Sanji didn't know what to make of how he felt about holding his hand with Zoro's inside his pocket. It was like one of those sweet, romantic things you did for your _girlfriend._ Or when two people are close friends. Zoro was neither. He was an obnoxious bastard that lived in the room above his. That's it. This whole situation was stupid; they'd both decided this without saying a word to one another.

The pair made it back in time and made sure to maintain at least a 3-foot distance from one another as soon as the shopping complex came into view.

"Zoro!"

"Ace!" Zoro was roughly embraced when Ace had come at him at a dead run and hadn't bothered to slow down as he went to hug his boyfriend.

"I'm so glad you're back in one piece! How many times have I told you not to walk off like that!" Ace bopped Zoro over the head.

Zoro looked down at Ace's chest, just to divert his eyes. "...Sorry."

Ace smiled, sighing in resignation. "You worry me too much." He kissed the spot where he'd whacked Zoro, he'd hit him very gently mind you, and gave his hair a loving rub.

Sanji turned his back and shifted from foot to foot uneasily. He didn't want to say anything to interrupt, but he really...he really didn't know how he felt about what was going on behind him.

"Yeah, I'll see you later."

Sanji felt comfortable enough to finally turn around again. Zoro was waving Ace off as Ace ran back into the grocery. He had this stupid lovesick expression that Sanji just wanted to kick off his face. "Well, now that _that's_ over with, you need to get your ass in that store and help me finish shopping."

"Oh shut up."

**o()o()o**

"We...we did it!"

"Yeah...somehow. Augh~ I'm sooo tiiired~" Usopp and Nami had collapsed on a bus stop bench, each with a shopping bag weakly held. "So we can head back now?"

"But we still have to prepare for our moment to shine! I refuse to just be a side dish."

"I happen to really like side dishes." Usopp griped, his pouty fish-lips ridiculously pronounced. They both sighed.

" _What_ _the_ _hell_ _is_ _wrong_ _with_ _you!"_

"Not everyone likes to be a side dish Usopp! There's nothing wrong with that!"

"Huh? What're you talking about?"

"You just said 'what the hell is wrong with you'."

"That wasn't me!"

" _I_ told _you_ _I_ _didn't_ _want_ _to_ _go_ _in_ _there!_ _If_ _you'd_ _just_ listen, _you_ _stupid_ _freaky-eyebrow!"_

"Hey...that sounds like..."

"Zoro!"

"A-And Sanji!" Nami and Usopp swiveled around on the bench and crouched down low, only just peaking over the top of the bench. Neither of them wanted to be spotted by the arguing boys, though they had yet to see them. "But where are they?"

"Shh! Shh! Usopp! They're over there!"

Zoro was walking quickly towards the bus bench they were at, but he wasn't looking at them, he was glaring angrily at the ground. What surprised them the most was that Sanji was chasing after him, arms spread apologetically, every once in a while he'd make a grab for Zoro's arm, but it would always be ripped from his hand.

"Look, I've apologized! I didn't even _do_ anything and you're getting all huffy again! I might as well be trying to pacify my girlfriend."

"Quit it with the "girlfriend" shit! I don't know if you realize it, you perverted imp with the retard eyebrow, but your verbal diarrhea is really fucking obnoxious."

"'Girlfriend shit'?" Usopp whispered to Nami.

"I bet his comparing Zoro to a girlfriend is a Freudian slip~" Nami said with all the enthusiasm of a typical BL fan.

"You never stop, do you?"

"Shh!" Nami clapped a hand over Usopp's mouth. She could tell that the argument was getting more heated than usual, and now would've been one of the worst possible moments to get caught.

"Well _excuse_ _me_ for calling you out on your fucking gay-ass, whiney bitching!" Sanji jabbed Zoro in the chest roughly, pushing him back a foot or so.

"My GOD! You just don't know when to shut your fucking mouth, do you! Do you even KNOW what the fuck you're saying?" Zoro shoved Sanji back at least twice as hard, almost sending Sanji to the ground. Zoro turned around and started towards the bus stop once again, still not seeing Nami or Usopp.

"What the FUCK is your problem? WHAT HAVE I SAID TO YOU?"

"EVERYTHING!" Sanji flinched, taking a surprised step back when Zoro had whirled around to face him. Zoro's eyes were livid, but still shone bright with hurt.

Nami and Usopp felt like they were watching a drama unfold, the climax of the plot line had finally been reached. They felt a little guilty for watching, but it was just so _fascinating_.

"You've insulted my appearance, you've insulted my character, you've insulted my flaws, my insecurities, even my fucking _sexuality!_ " Zoro counted each one of these off on his fingers, growing incredibly red in the face. "It gets a little _tiring_ to be berated by an asshole all day long! We haven't even had one decent, civil conversation! Not _one!_ I don't particularly care about conversing with you, but that doesn't mean I want to hear you insult me for hours on end!" He didn't know what it was that had made him snap, but he knew that he had been weakened mentally when he'd gone inside that store...

 **o()o** Flashback **o()o**

He'd been separated from Sanji, again, but this time he couldn't move; he'd gotten stuck in one particularly crowded isle. The people were pushing up against him, crushing him. He felt like a junk car inside a compressor, his body slowly getting crushed by thousands of pounds worth of force. He couldn't breathe and his vision was fading. He could feel his heartbeat even in his fingertips. He wanted to call out to Sanji, but his throat closed up. The bastard. He'd abandoned him. He was probably watching from afar, laughing at him. The faces of the people around him twisted and melted into sinister looking masks. Demons disguised as twisted angels of death; which was worse? They leered down at him, laughing at his pain alongside Sanji. Tears He felt something encircle him, but his mind was too fuzzy to fight the restraints. He was scared. Where was he being taken? Something was dragging him, for he could not move his feet. He felt his feet leave the ground. He was being carried off to god knows where by a face he couldn't see. Suddenly, a bright light blinded him, but his body was wracked with shivers. He had died; of this he was certain. But if he was in hell, fat chance he'd made it to heaven, then why was it so cold? Well, he'd better prepare for eternal hellfire or whatever the hell he was condemned to.

He finally came to, looking up into Sanji's face. Apparently, he'd awoken to a completely different, yet equally effective, for of hell.

"Oi, Marimo. You alright there?"

Zoro wiped the damp from his eyes as he glared into Sanji's deep blue eyes, feeling so much anger and betrayal there wasn't enough room on his face to express it all.

"Man, for someone as tough looking and scary as you, you sure are one hell of a baby, ain't ya? Well, you do have this plant thing growing out of your head, so I guess you can't be all bad." Sanji laughed at his own little joke, and Zoro practically relived the nightmare of his all too recent run in with his old friend, claustrophobia. Zoro had gotten up and stomped away, not even wanting to waste words on the blonde fuck-wit.

 **o()o** Present **o()o**

And this is what led them to their current situation.

Sanji laughed awkwardly. "H-Heh...I mean, come on Marimo...we fight all the time...right? I mean...why...?"

"You KNOW I can't handle being in crowded places, yet you still led me in there!" Zoro glared at Sanji. "You've thrown too many low blows today Sanji. I'm at the end of my rope."

"H-Hey! That's not fair! It's not like I _tried_ to give you an anxiety attack! You should've known well enough on your own not to go in there, I can't be responsible for everything you do. And besides, you've been an ass to me too, ya know!"

"Oh yeah? When." Sanji couldn't pull up an instance off the top of his head of when Zoro had stepped out of bounds and had purposefully jabbed him where it hurt. He'd been pissed off when Zoro had left him with all the food bags. He was pissed that Zoro had never once shown him a single bit of appreciation for helping him out of the party supplies store, for carrying him out practically bridal style. That had been humiliating, but Zoro hadn't done that on purpose. Though he still should've had the sense not to go in there in the first place. "Che, pathetic."

"O-Oi! Dammit, Zoro, wait!"

"I'll wait by the car. Finish the shopping yourself." Zoro walked off. Sanji was hesitant to tell him he was going in the wrong direction, but Zoro, all on his own, was able to reason that the car probably wouldn't be in the woods so he turned around and went the right way. Leaving Sanji behind. Sanji waited until Zoro was out of eyesight, and hopefully earshot, before he kicked a good-sized rock out into the trees, crying an angered expletive. Correction: multiple expletives. He ran his hands through his hair and tugged at it slightly as doubled over in a crouch.

"What did I do wrong?" He yelled at the dirt. "I just wanted to be that fucking asshole's... _something!_ Why's he got to be so fucking difficult? Argh! _Bastard!_ "

Nami turned to Usopp and he to her. They shared a moment of surprise. Nami was surprised he'd admitted it, and Usopp was surprised that Nami had been right all along. They waited in baited silence until Sanji ran off to go buy the party supplies as quickly as he could. As soon as he was out of range they both let out a huge breath they hadn't known they were holding.

"That was a shock. I mean...Sanji...and Zoro...weird. But why did Zoro have to run off like that?"

"Zoro's always been sensitive. He was bullied a lot ya know." Nami offered with a sad sigh. "Poor guy. He's so misunderstood."

"Well what about Sanji? This is the first I've ever seen him so frustrated cause of a guy. He usually doesn't put that much effort towards them."

The bus pulled up about 5 minutes later. Nami and Usopp climbed on and got comfy in their seats. It was gonna take a while since the bus wasn't exactly the most convenient method, but it'd get them there in time. It was about 2 o'clock now; the part was scheduled to be at 5.

"Today's been really hectic, huh?"

"Yeah, but ya know, Usopp, I'm kinda glad I got to spend time with you. You're not as annoying as I thought you would be."

Usopp smiled. "And you're not as big of a bitch as the rumor's say you are."

"What rumors!"

"Nothing, nothing."

Nami sighed and leaned against Usopp's shoulder. Usopp was surprised at first and didn't know quite what to do, so he kept as still as he could. Eventually, Nami's breathing became regular. She was out cold. Usopp could feel sleep hanging off his own lids, making them heavy. He barely felt his head fall sideways, comfortably pillowed atop orange locks. They slept comfortably all the way back to the school.

**o()o()o**

The drive back from the store was even more awkward than the drive to. Sanji had no idea what to say, though he felt that he should definitely say _something._ He'd glace over at Zoro from time to time, though Zoro stubbornly kept his head turned towards the window, regardless of the crick that was forming in his neck from keeping so still for so long. The second Sanji stopped the car, Zoro was out the door; he hadn't even switched off the engine yet. Zoro threw open the trunk and grabbed the bags of party supplies before he stomped off towards the building where the Stulo was.

Sanji did nothing but watch the figure walk away. What could he do? This is where they'd planned to part ways anyhow, as Sanji had to begin cooking the meals, and the more direct entrance to the kitchen was on the other side of the building. He picked up the food bags, which were really quite heavy, he'd have to make two trips, and headed through the door.

Everything was unpacked. The perishables were tucked away in the fridge until they'd be needed, and everything else was spread in front of him. He felt like an artist with a plethora of different colors and an assortment of brushes and various canvases upon which he could create masterpieces. Ah, Nami-san would be pleased~

However, as soon as he got the school's pans and utensils out, his spark of culinary creativity was doused by a splash of depression. He felt unmotivated. Lacking. Lost.

Lost.

Dammit...

He took out one of the knives, examined it, and decided that it needed to be sharpened. He violently rubbed two of the dull blades together, enjoying the sound they made. He needed to focus. He couldn't let his stupid mistake dampen his whole evening. That stupid Marimo-head wasn't worth all this angst. He'd make a delicious meal that he could never be ashamed of, and one that would hopefully help him score.

Zoro was in a state quite similar to Sanji's. When he'd entered the Stulo, he felt he could finally relax into a more slumped posture, a posture he was unfamiliar with for the most part. He took pride in the way he stood: erect and proud. But his sour mood wouldn't allow it. He sighed heavily. "Baka cook..." His voice sounded soft and weak. Like he'd wanted to cry for a moment.

"Rough day, Zo-chan?"

Zoro started and straightened up. "I didn't know you were here." _'And_ _I_ _didn't_ _know_ _you_ _knew_ _about_ _that_ _stupid_ _nickname_ _either.'_ He thought, slightly irked.

Robin smiled. "I'm here to help decorate since Nami-chan and Usopp-san were unable to return in time."

"...ah." Zoro took out some of the colorful streamers and began to twist them together, as Nami had instructed. Robin was hanging various decorations around the room, but Zoro wasn't really paying attention. He was just focused on the red and green streamers as he twisted them...and twisted...and twisted...

They looked kind of like...

A spiral.

He frowned.

"Something the matter?"

"No."

They were silent a moment more.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it, Zo-chan."

"Please stop calling me that."

"Ah, I'm sorry." Robin chuckled gently. "But I'm certain that he feels just as upset as you do right about now."

"If he was gonna feel sorry about it later then why'd he do it in the first place?"

"Perhaps he didn't realize he'd feel sorry. Perhaps the expression 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone' would fit this circumstance?"

"...you can't lose something you never had."

Robin chuckled. "I wonder."

**o()o()o**

It was finally that time. The time had come for the guests to arrive and for the party to get jumping. Everyone had piled their Secret Santa gifts in a corner as they had entered before shuffling over to take a plate or two of the food Sanji had made. Everyone was enjoying themselves...except for some people, of course.

Even though Sanji was flirting with a young woman, his eyes would flicker over to Zoro every once in a while, making sure that he wasn't...ya know...making an ass of himself. He didn't want that caveman to go mucking up Nami-san's party.

Actually, it was very much the opposite. Zoro had been chatting amicably with a face unfamiliar to Sanji. This man...this man with shoulder-length, purple hair seemed to get along quite well with Zoro; old time pals, perhaps. (A/N: The guy is Saga, from the Cursed Sword One Piece movie)

"Sanji-chin! Merry Christmas!"

"Ah~ Caime-chan! I'm so happy you could make it~" Sanji swooned.

"This party is so much fun! I hope you're enjoying yourself too, Sanji-chin."

Sanji smiled down at the young islander. "Yes, my dear, I've been having a lovely time." Sanji was lying through his teeth. He knew he wouldn't feel better until he apologized. His eyes glanced over at where Zoro had been standing to find that he had disappeared. "Ah, excuse me, Caime-chan."

"Alright, I'll talk to you later."

Sanji, trying to be discreet, snuck through the crowds of people. He saw Nojiko and debated whether he should say hello. Before he could make up his mind, he saw a flash of green. Sanji's head swiveled and he finally saw the man he'd been looking for. However, Zoro was still not alone. Ace had shown up.

Zoro was looking up at Ace, his lips curling up into a pleasant smile. Ace said something that made Zoro laugh, which only pissed Sanji off. While he was stuck sulking, Zoro was enjoying the party. It wasn't fair.

**o()o()o**

"Well, well~ I'd say we did really well, wouldn't you?" Nami asked with a cat-like smirk on her face.

"Indeed we did. Everyone'll be surprised when they see what we have in store~"

They shared an evil laugh. The mischief-makers were hiding behind the large oak doors that led into the lounge. They were all dressed up and ready to make their entrance.

"Alright, let's get ready to make our appearance~"

"I'm right behind you, Nami!"

"Alright. Three...two...o—"

"LOOOOOOK OOOOOOUUT~!"

Nami and Usopp swiveled around. There was a huge cart of sorts that had been covered in a tarp speeding down the hall, three figures desperately chasing after it.

"Gangway!"

"Look out Nami! Usopp!"

"W-What are you guys—"

"No time for that! We have to get out of the way!" Nami and Usopp tried to dart out of the way, but the heavy bags that they had slung over their shoulders were hindering their movements. The only way they could go safely was to throw themselves through the Stulo doors and into the party. So, naturally, they did what was needed to be done. They threw open the doors and burst into the room. They dove to either side, once inside the room, and the cart rolled in. Once it hit the carpet, it slowed greatly and came to a halt.

Well, they had everyone's attention, no doubt about that. The two stood up, though Usopp had considerably greater difficulty, his budging stomach getting in the way.

"HO~ HO~ HO~" Cried a voice from the door.

""MERRY CHRISTMAS!"" Two voices rang out in unison.

"Hey! You guys! You go missing all day and then you steal our spotlight! Jerks!" Nami cried.

"Hahaha! But Nami, we'd been planning this surprise!" Luffy, in a bright red Santa suit and a beard that was starting to peel off, ran into the room with a small, brown-haired boy, also in a Santa suit, at his side. "Me and Chopper have been workin hard all day, you know! Don't be rude!"

"But what are we supposed to do with 4 Santa Clauses and 1 Mrs. Clause! This just looks silly now!" Nami complained.

"But, but...Nami-senpai, we wanted to help you with the party so we put this together, and Franky-sensei helped us!" Chopper beamed, looking adorable in the puffy white beard, though he lacked the potbelly.

Nami really couldn't stay mad at her adorable underclassman and smiled. "Oh really?"

"You bet I did." Franky, also in the stereotypical outfit for the season, unveiled the mysterious object that been running away from them only moments before. Under the tarp was a huge, beautifully decorated Christmas tree. It was lit up spectacularly and each and every ornament signified something important to one person or another, and was carefully selected and placed upon this special tree, filling it with memories.

The guests ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the magnificent tree that was planted firmly in the center of the room. It really brought a special spark into the party that hadn't been there before, like the missing puzzle piece that had been found under the couch. Several couples grabbed hands and looked lovingly into each other's eyes, under the spell of the Christmas tree. Zoro and Ace included. Ace had his arm around Zoro's waist and was rubbing noses with him. "Merry Christmas, Zoro." He placed a long, soft kiss against waiting lips.

"You too, Ace."

"Aww~ now isn't that just precious~" Nami swooned. "They're just so cute together~"

"Heh, at least he's in a better mood than when we last saw him." Usopp agreed. He scanned the room for Sanji to see how he was doing, but couldn't see him anywhere. Nami grabbed his attention once again before he could find the young chef.

"Well, we can still go through with our plan, you know!"

"A-Ah that's right!' Usopp readjusted his bag and called out a hearty "ho ho ho".

He and Nami began distributing the Secret Santa gifts that they'd taken and stuffed into huge bags. Usopp's bag was, naturally, quite a bit heavier. Everyone was delighted when they were handed their specially wrapped gift.

Nami had finished up except for 2 gifts that she had purposefully left till last. She looked around the party room. Everyone seemed pleased with the entertaining way in which they received their gifts, which was enough to make Nami incredibly happy. "Success~" She whispered to no one in particular. She saw Usopp in his red Santa suit talking with a thin, blonde girl as the girl handed him a bottle of famed cider. _'Even_ _Usopp's_ _enjoying_ _himself.'_ She chuckled as she watched him chatter away animatedly for a moment. She wanted to join in the merriment of the party, but that would have to wait. She had one more thing to accomplish to make this evening a true success.

She went over to where Zoro was all wrapped up in Ace's arms, swaying gently as if there was no one else in the room. Ace was whispering little phrases of endearment into Zoro's reddening ear, gently placing kisses along the side of his face. Zoro smiled warmly, closing his eyes. He took Ace's hand in his own and swung them gently. Zoro looked up into Ace's eyes before kissing him long and sweetly on the lips. She'd come back to them later.

Nami turned around and looked for the bright shock of yellow-blonde hair. It didn't take long. Sanji was chatting pleasantly with Caime again, but when he caught sight of Nami he was at her feet in a second. "My dearest Nami-swaaaan~! I have missed you ever so greatly! I have been deprived of your presence all day long, and, oh, what a treacherous day it hath been! But now that your light is shining upon this unworthy soul, I can now continue living as I once was~ And hopefully it will be a life at your side." He bowed his head grandiosely, one arm spread out and the other with his hand over his heart as he knelt before her on bended knee.

She smiled. "Thank you, Sanji-kun. I have your Secret Santa gift for you." She gave him the red package with the fancy green ribbon tied around it. Sanji was careful in making sure his fingers brushed against Nami's as he took the present from her delicate grasp.

"Thank you, my beautiful little gift-bearer."

Nami rolled her eyes and headed off to find the other person whose gift she had yet to give.

Sanji turned the present over several times, trying to figure to what it could be before he actually opened it. Oh! There was a tag attached. He flipped it over and began to read.

_Zoro,_

_Merry Christmas! I hope you—_

He really should have seen this coming.

**o()o()o**

"That sneaky little witch!" Zoro mumbled as he weaved through the clusters of people. "Of all the times to pull a stunt like this...damn her." Nami had, purposely, he was sure, given Zoro Sanji's present, intending for the whole scenario to just appear as an improbably coincidental occurrence. She'd set up this little scam to try and make everything all peaches and cream between him and the asshole that lived in the room directly beneath his own, and Zoro _knew_ it. Sanji probably did too but was too polite to say anything to his precious little angel. He eventually caught sight of Sanji, who looked just as equally displeased about having to search for the person he'd been trying to avoid all night. At least, this is what Zoro thought was bothering Sanji so much.

In truth, Sanji was kind of glad that'd had an excuse to get near Zoro. Though he felt like an idiot for needing the excuse in the first place. It took a little while, but the two finally got to be face to face, each with gifts wrapped up nice and neat, like two peas in a pod. The present wrapped in green paper and red ribbon Zoro was holding contrasted wonderfully with Sanji's red paper and green ribbon.

""Here. This is yours."" They traded their gifts with minimal contact; not even looking at each other's faces.

""Thanks.""

There was a moment of silence, as the pair looked around the room. Zoro looked to his right and saw Nami laughing and boozing it up alongside Usopp, that blonde girl he'd ran into at the grocery store, Chopper, Luffy, and a huge pile of empty plates. They all seemed to be having a grand ol' time, completely unaware of the tension drawn between him and Sanji. Sanji looked to his left and caught a glimpse of a small box being exchanged between the shop instructor and the beautiful history teacher. How he wished for someone special to share the holiday with. The two looked back at each other without a word more to say. Zoro took this as his incredibly awkward queue to leave.

"No, Zoro, wait." Sanji held onto Zoro's wrist. "Look. I'm...I'm sorry. Not in the off-handed way that I said it earlier today, but...this time I'm truly, deeply, and honestly sorry. I'll admit, ever since I found out I've got a big dick that's all I've been." Zoro, despite himself, snorted a laugh at Sanji's little attempt to lighten the mood."So, will you forgive me? I mean...it's fuckin Christmas and all that romantic shit. We should at least be friends, though just for tonight, cause I probably won't be able to stand your existence tomorrow, especially if I'm hung over."

Zoro looked back at Sanji with an understanding smile. "Sucks for you, I don't get hung over."

"Well aren't you a lucky bastard." Sanji dropped Zoro's wrist when it was clear he wasn't going anywhere. "So, can we go back to hating each other within friendly boundaries?"

Zoro smiled. "I think I can deal with that."

"Che, you better be able to." Sanji smiled as well. Zoro gave a little wave and turned to go back to Ace, but was stopped again by a hand on his shoulder. "H-Hey, um...M-Merry Christmas..."

Zoro was horribly tempted to pull the whole 'actually I'm Jewish' gag and watch Sanji writhe with embarrassing discomfort. But he managed to keep it in and instead gave the guy a quick hug, whispering a message for only that pair of bright red ears.

Christmas is an interesting holiday. You may make new friends, reunite with the old, reconcile with enemies or be asked to spend a lifetie with the one you love most. And no matter what other crazy shit may go down all those other 300 plus days of the year, there's always this one special time that we can count on for peace, love, and happiness. For some people, these things must be searched for, but for others, they already have it, and they just might not realize it until it whispers "Merry Christmas" in your ear.

**And they all lived sappily ever after.**

**The End**


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